Emmy Rolling Over!

I have to share Emmy's video from this morning.  She was having tummy time and started completely on her belly looking in her little mirror.  But she decided she's ready to roll over!!  I missed the beginning because I had to grab the camera, but I caught the last half of the roll. Don't mind the screaming...she was getting frustrated that she couldn't get her legs over! :)

Gosh I Love This Baby Girl...

I know I haven't posted much, okay at all!  But I'm so busy being so completely consumed by this beautiful little lady!!!!  I am loving  being a Mommy that gets to mommy her baby!  And I just had to share our morning with you...

A few weeks ago I decided to start attending a "Stroller Blast" exercise class.  As it turns out, I love it and Emmy HATES it!! She's not a big fan of the car seat or stroller and she screams the whole time. I just can't bring myself to torture her.  But yesterday at the pool she hung out in her stroller for a long time and was happy and this morning she woke up in such a good mood...

Listen closely at the end of this one and you may see where my morning is headed...

So I decided to give the class a try. We were all set to go, my shoes were on, the bag was ready, all I needed to do was dress Emersyn and head out the door.  As I'm carrying her around, I look down and notice this...

At least she's still happy...

Yes it was everywhere, yes it was out the back too, yes it was in her belly button, yes it was on me!!

To the bath we went...

After being bathed, lotioned, and dressed, she looked cute, but she was TICKED!

She was so mad that she had to nurse to calm herself down, after all, her belly was now empty! 

(I'll spare you the nursing pic!) :)

So after all that, we were too late to get to stroller blast...but I'm not complaining...

And she's still the cutest thing on the face of the earth...

And to think, this is what I prayed and prayed for!! This is the life I dreamed of and my hearts truest desire! :) And I love every single moment of it, even the 'crappy' ones!  I'm so incredibly, head-over-heels, in love with this baby girl!!  She just melts my heart!

And as I finish typing this blog, I sit here, literally in tears....not because I'm tired or because the morning was rough (honestly it didn't shake me a bit).  I'm crying because I'm so blessed to even have this opportunity.  I'm crying because my prayers were answered.  I'm crying because I'm writing a blog about my baby girl and gazing at her in her swing across the room and I can't even believe that she's here and that she's so perfect and wonderful!!!  Thank you God for answering the prayers of so many. 

The Arrival of Emersyn Kate

Just in case anyone missed the big announcement, Emersyn Kate made her arrival on April 26th at 8:13 am!  She is absolutely perfect and we are totally smitten with her!! She weighed 6 pounds 9 ounces and was 19 inches long.

The day of her birth was filled with all sorts of emotion!  I can't put into words all the feelings that I had.  I was nervous, sad that Kinley wasn't there, anxious, excited, scared, and abundantly happy.

We were super blessed to have a photographer with us on the day of her birth.  Rachel Richard is a friend of mine from childhood and came to share in the day and document it for us.  She did an amazing job capturing all of the emotion of the day and documenting each moment.

Here is the video she created of Emmy's big day...




If you are in the central Indiana region, I would highly suggest you think about Rachel for your next photo shoot.  She is amazingly good at what she does!!!

Emotion...

I haven't blogged much lately and it's mostly because I've had a hard time putting into words exactly how it is I'm feeling. I'm completely overwhelmed with emotion, but grasping to explain how I really feel.

In just 8 short days we'll be welcoming Emersyn Kate into the world. I have a c-section scheduled for Thursday April 26th. I'm so excited that I can hardly contain myself, and yet at the same time, I'm having a hard time making myself believe that it will really happen. It's almost unreal to me that we'll really be bringing our baby home.

In addition, there are moments that the fear and anxiety are completely paralyzing. I can't even explain how crippling the fear can be. I've prayed so much lately for God's peace! As crazy as it sounds, there have also been many moments when I'm not necessarily feeling scared, but I find myself looking around the room and thinking of the things I'll need to "hide away" if something goes wrong and we don't get to bring Emmy home. It's almost matter-of-fact, my mind just goes to "Did we keep the box for that so I can put it up if I need to? Will I take the nursery completely apart or just shut the door?" I feel like a crazy person that I could even think that way!!! And yet, it's the reality of where I've been.

Other times, I've found myself just sitting down and crying. I'm not even sure if I'm crying tears of sadness, anxiety, joy, hormones! or a little bit of each. I miss Kinley so much and being pregnant and preparing to bring a baby home makes it more real that I didn't get to do all of this with her. I also watch Brenna and Bristol talking to my tummy and kissing it and getting so excited about meeting her, and it sometimes sends a shooting pain in my heart because I realize that Emersyn "should" have a big sister here anxiously preparing for her arrival. Of course, I know that she really shouldn't be here, that was never the plan for her life. God had bigger things in store for her than I even realized. But that doesn't change the fact that I wish I could watch her with her baby sister.

It's compounded by the fact that I've been asked the innocent and yet painful question "Is this your first?" at least a hundred times throughout the pregnancy. How is a Mommy whose baby has passed away suppose to answer that question? Sometimes the situation just doesn't lend itself to an explanation and I just nod my head yes and walk away. Then I inevitably feel guilty that I didn't even mention Kinley. Sometimes I just say no and leave it at that. But most often, I give the same response "No, we had a daughter that was stillborn, but this is the first that we'll get to bring home." Then I see the look on the other persons face and feel bad for making the person feel uncomfortable! It's really an impossible question to answer "right"!!!

As I write this today, no matter how much I miss McKinley, I have an overwhelming assurance that this was all part of God's plan for her life. As we celebrate Emersyn and all the focus seems to be on her, I still see how God is using Kinley. We were so very blessed to have a maternity shoot recently with about 20 photographers from P31. We got some amazing pictures and I have no clue how I'll choose favorites. And in the midst of celebrating my pregnancy, I also got to share our testimony. I've heard from many of the women who were touched by Kinley's story in some way. It makes me so proud to be know that she's still reaching people and it's so humbling to know that God chose me to carry her and be the one who gets to share her short life with others.

Here are some of the amazing photos we got...

Taken by Kristy Walters

I probably won't post again until after Emersyn has arrived. Thank you all so much for your thoughts, prayers, and kind words throughout this pregnancy. We serve such an amazing God! A God who has conquered death, infertility, and doctor's reports!

Appointment Update

In case you missed the link on my facebook page, you can access my message from last Sunday at the Covington First Assembly website. Just click here to listen to the message and view the slideshow.

Also, thank you so much for your prayers this past week. My appointment this week went very well! I'm feeling better than I've felt in the past couple of months and Emersyn is growing and doing well!

I had hoped all along that I would be able to go with my family to Florida toward the end of March. There were times that I just figured that would be totally out of the question, but because God has answered ALL of our prayers for this pregnancy, I'm now fine to go on vacation!!! I'll fly out on a Tuesday with my sister and spend Tues-Sat in Orlando with my parents, sister, nieces, cousin Alyssa, and my brother and his girlfriend. Then on Saturday we'll all head over to the beach where we'll meet up with Jacob and his family as well as my Mom's extended family and spend a week there!

Today, I'm 29 weeks pregnant, the same day in pregnancy that Kinley was born. Every single day from now on is a day longer than I got to have with Kinley. Thank you Lord for the blessing of each and every day with her for years and years to come!!!!!