A Grieving Mommy's Words
These are the words I spoke at Kinley's memorial service...
First of all I want to thank you all for being a part of this day. Jacob and I have felt so loved through this process and having you all here touches us deeply. I know that many of you are wondering how I can possibly do this and to be honest, I’m not sure that I can, but I am going to do my best.
On Tuesday afternoon, in the ultrasound room of my doctor’s office my world fell apart and the dreams I had for the rest of my life were taken away from me. When we were told that our baby had no heartbeat, I was full of questions, understandably heartbroken, and to be honest a little angry with God. We not only lost our baby, we lost every dream we had for her. Dreams of singing to her, dancing with her, teaching her to talk and to walk, taking her to the beach, sending her to Kindergarten, and watching her grow. However devastated I felt, I knew I had a job to do and after spending 36 hours in labor, I gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl in the world. She was perfect in every way other than a small knot in her cord. I had the most peaceful delivery imaginable. It certainly was not easy for me physically or for any of us emotionally, but God’s peace filled the room in every way. Something that only those of us who were there could understand. He showed His goodness to those of us present for Kinley’s birth.
Many people have commented on how “strong” I have been throughout this time and I wanted to take a moment to clarify something for you. First of all, from early in life God prepared me for this day and began to instill in me qualities that I would need for this time. Those of you who know me know exactly which qualities I’m talking about. Second, Jacob and I began our marriage almost 2 years ago with an understanding that God would be the center of everything we did. We would rely on each other and on God for better or worse. Relying on God means more to us than a belief in God, a ceremonial church service, or quick prayers sent up when we need something. What we have is something so much more; we have a daily relationship with our Savior, our source of strength, and our friend. We could not have made it through the past few days without that relationship. For us, that relationship with God meant that we truly felt His peace and knew that He was in that hospital room each moment of my labor, the delivery, and our time with Kinley. He was standing next to us and holding our hands. What I’m saying is, I am not strong in myself; the strength you are seeing is God’s strength working through me. If you don’t have the kind of relationship with God that I’m talking about, I urge you to make that commitment. If one person turns to God because of Kinley’s death, it was worth it to us. We desperately want each of you to meet her one-day in heaven.
Finally, I want to express our thanks to a few people. I know that I can’t possibly thank everyone who has blessed us and I certainly don’t want to leave anyone out, but there are a few things that I need to say publicly.
First of all, to our parents you raised us to be the people that we are and you prepared us as small children to handle trials and devastation such as this by turning to our Lord. You stood by us each moment while we were in the hospital; you have wiped tears, made service arrangements, and just held us when we needed held. Kinley is blessed to have you as her grandparents!
Megan and Sarah, there are no words to thank you. You have been there in every possible way from cleaning our house to standing by to comfort us during the delivery. Megan you are the true definition of a sister and have been there for me in every moment. Thank you so much for taking the pictures of Kinley that we now hold so dear.
Becca and Leah, this has been hard on you and we are saddened to see you go through this pain, but we are blessed to have such sweet sisters who love us so much and love their niece so dearly.
Zack, you have checked in with me and shown me your love in your own way. Thank you for being at the hospital for me. I love you!
Bobby and Adam, by making this service the best it could possibly be you have touched us in ways that you cannot know.
To all of my aunts and uncles and Shayla, thank you for sitting in a waiting room for days to support me and for stopping in the room to pray with me, rub by feet, play with my hair, and just hug give us endless hugs.
Adam and Tami, there are no words….you have been a source of strength and we value your friendship and will continue to turn to you in the coming days and weeks. You have done above and beyond what we could have asked from babysitting Brenna to buying groceries to just holding us when we needed a shoulder.
Destiny, you are an angel to me. Thank you for visiting, for your wise words, and for loving on my sweet baby girl. I know that the loss of your precious Braxton was devastating for you, but through it you have been able to minister to us.
To all of the Thayer’s, we appreciate your understanding, kindness, and generosity. We now know that Jacob is working for the right people at the right time.
Nicole Phillipo, the necklaces touched our hearts in an indescribable way. Thank you for listening to the dream that God gave you.
Thank each and every one of you for being here today. Thank you for the prayers, the meals, the cards, and the flowers. We feel that we are one of the most blessed couples on earth and see that Kinley is loved more deeply than we could have imagined. We had dreams and plans for her that we won’t see fulfilled on earth, we had songs to sing her, places to take her, things to teach her, and love to show her. But what we now have is greater than all of these things….we have the assurance that she is in the hands of Jesus, that she will never experience the pains of this world, and that we will spend all of eternity with her in heaven’s glory. But you can only do that if you have the kind of relationship with God that I’ve been talking about today…if you don’t, please make that commitment today! I want you to spend eternity with my Kinley.
