Lots of people asked if I was nervous, and I really wasn't. To be honest, I was much more nervous writing the message then I was delivering it. In preparation for what to say, I just wanted to make sure I was in line with God's will for the message. Once the message was ready, delivering it really wasn't difficult or nerve wracking at all. I guess I don't have a fear of public speaking! :) Maybe I've found my true calling... ;)
On a completely different note, I'm missing my Kinley so badly today!!! This is such a hard time in the pregnancy for me. I was 28 weeks the day that I quit feeling Kinley move. I passed that milestone last Friday. Tomorrow, however, is the exact day of pregnancy that I went into the office and found out that Kinley was gone. To make matters worse, I have an appointment tomorrow!! AND, with Kinley, I went in to take the glucose test that day. I drank the orange drink, then went in for my appt. I never made it to the blood draw because the ultrasound revealed that there was no heartbeat. Tomorrow, I go in for my glucose test as well.
Although there is a level of fear there, just like there has been through the entire pregnancy, that's really not the hardest part of it for me. I really do believe with all my heart that this pregnancy and Emersyn are in God's hands. It's really much more difficult for me that it just brings back all the emotion of that time. I'm reliving those feelings and replaying those days in my mind. And in short, I just miss her so much! Even knowing the impact that she's had on people and the way that she's changed me for the better, I still just wish I had her here with me. No matter how much good comes from her life, I still would selfishly rather just be her mommy and get to hold her everyday!!
Please just be in prayer with me tomorrow that things go smoothly at the appointment and that I'm able to focus on the blessing that Emmy is and not be totally consumed by the hurt and fear!!