***I wrote this several weeks ago on an especially exhausting night and it came to mind tonight on another exhausting night, when I snapped at my two-year old and my husband, and my back is killing me from throwing it out hand-mopping my floors, and my stomach is rumbling and starving but the thought of eating makes me want to run to the bathroom to vomit! So I thought I'd share because maybe someone else is exhausted and BLESSED today too...
Tonight is one of those nights as a mom. One of THOSE nights. After saying to Emmy at least ten times to please sit still, my stomach literally could not take her wiggling and climbing any longer...I nearly catapulted from the recliner and into the bathroom where I started vomiting. It wasn't her fault at all of course. You could more easily blame it on her youngest sibling, a mere 7 weeks old and wreaking complete havoc on my newly pregnant (again) body.
Unfortunately, Emmy has been battling fear at bedtime. And so, the vomiting episode moments before bedtime only made for an even more dramatic bedtime. Luckily her daddy pried her away from me with the promise of spraying monster spray in all corners of the room before she had to climb into bed. So she pointed out where the monsters were lurking, he sprayed away, and I brushed my teeth even though I knew it was probably pointless and I'd be right back with my head in the toilet any minute.
We managed a few quiet moments to watch some tv together and Jacob fell asleep. Laying in bed listening to the cough of my sweet Alex made me brave the idea of moving, and possibly bringing on another rendezvous with the toilet, to go and check on her. She was snoring away, snot crusted to her face, but her teddy bear snuggled close and her little eyes closed tightly. I peeked quickly at Emmy to find she had wet the bed. Stripped sheets, washed her up, changed her pjs, got new sheets, kissed her sweet little face again, and headed back to my room.
After throwing up once more, I climbed back into bed. And I realized that I've never been more exhausted or happy in my entire life. Amidst this chaos, I know deep in my heart that I'm living my dream. It's the dream I had when I buried my first baby and then struggled to get pregnant with Emmy. It's the dream I had for so many long months but was scared to admit because I wasn't sure it would ever really come true. God has truly blessed me beyond what I could imagine!!! I can't explain the love I have for the 2-yr-old, suddenly scared of bed, always lively and often exhausting bundle of pure joy, or the chronically coughing, sweet as pure sugar and incredibly picky little 1 yr-old doll, or even the new little miracle, who has only been a reality to me for a few weeks, but who consumed my whole heart with the sound of that tiny little heart beating away. I couldn't explain it if I tried. But I don't have to, if you're a mom, you know. Every single part of this exhausting night was part of a dream that I was scared to even dream.