And we know that in all things God works for the good of those that love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.
Romans 8:28

Monday, August 9, 2010

Longing For One More Day!

Yesterday, as we were leaving town, we stopped by the gravesite to check in and clean-up the area. I usually do a pretty good job of busying myself by pulling weeds and rearranging her "things". Then there comes that moment when there's nothing left to do, but I can't make myself walk away! As I was standing there, I started to pray and almost surprised myself at the words I was praying...."Dear God, thank you for this beautiful blessing"...(WHAT?!! Blessing? Is that really what I just said) But the prayer continued, almost out of my control... "Lord, we wish we could have had her for longer, but she really is a blessing to us. She is our child and she has changed us in so many ways! She is a beautiful and precious child to us, and I miss her so much. I wish every day that things could be different, but God, I believe that YOU make ALL things good!!"

By this point, tears were rolling down my face and I suddenly got the strangest urge. If you haven't lost a child, this will sound weird to you. If you have, maybe you've felt the same thing and thought yourself crazy for it! I had the sudden strong urge to lay on her grave. This wasn't at all sensible because the gravesite isn't yet grown over with grass and it was muddy and dirty and I had no blanket. Since I was getting ready to drive 6 1/2 hours in the car, that would make for an uncomfortable car ride. But I literally had to force myself to turn and walk away. Everything inside me screamed to lay down and get as close as I possibly could to my Kinley. Her entire life on earth had been lived as close to me as humanly possible, literally growing inside of me. Now I can't get close enough, I just wanted to be as close as I could. Of course, I know she's not there. I'm as close to her in Tennessee as I would be lying on that grave, but at the moment no rational thought made sense. It took all of my strength to walk away with tears steaming down my face.

When I got in the car I started thinking of what I would give for just one more day of her growing inside me. One more day to feel her kick, to know she hears my voice, to tell her that I love her, and to dream about holding her, kissing her face, and bringing her home with me. I'd give almost anything in the world for just one day, even one hour, with her living and moving inside me.

So, that brings me to my challenge for you. If you're pregnant, cherish the moment that you have. I'd take back even the most miserable day of my pregnancy! I know pregnancy's not always pleasant or comfortable, but take a moment to enjoy the fact that you're carrying a life. Soak in every moment. Talk to your baby, read to your baby, wake your husband up to feel those midnight kicks. I know there are days that you just wish it was over, but treat every day as if it's the last day you get with your child. Leave a comment and let me know how you're making today a special day in your pregnancy.

If you're a Mommy already, kiss your babies one extra time tonight when you put them in bed. Hold them just a little longer, the laundry and the dusting can wait. Let them stay up a little later, shut off the television, and soak in the beautiful MIRACLES that God has given you. Turn off the computer, leave the cell phone at home, and spend a day with your children. Don't take your blessings for granted. Mommies, leave a comment and let me know how you're going to take an extra moment to enjoy your children.

Finally, for those of you who, like me, are still longing and praying for a child to hold, I want to pray for you. I want to lift you up and believe with you! Leave me a comment or email me ( and tell me your story. I'm believing for God's miracles for each one of us.


  1. Erica, your timing was perfect for me today. I was having a hard "Maizie day". She was being very fussy and demanding and I was struggling to stay calm. Your message was very convicting. I needed to focus on the fact that God gave me *this* little girl for a reason. He knew the challenge she would be for me, but that challenge is part of His plan for my life. So I scooped her up into my lap and spent a little time just snuggling and talking. It seemed to make things better for her and my heart was put back in place. On days like this it's hard to remember that she is a miracle. Thank you for touching our lives today!

  2. brenna and i literally werent out of jammies until after noon today, we snuggled and watched barnyard. :) the whole time laughing at bristol kicking brenna. i will never ever take them for granted.

  3. I'm also believing for your miracle baby! He/she will come one day! God is true to His word!

  4. Oh Erica, the tears are rolling. I wish I could hug you and just comfort you in some way. That prayer was amazing - look how faithful God has been to you! His grace is and will always be sufficient. Keep clinging to Him, sweet friend!

  5. The blessing of loss and desperation is that you are a mom who never takes those blessings for granted and also that you know your God to be a Faithful God who is mighty to hold you,,even when you can't hold so tight Erica. I know you are experiencing these very hard but life changing truths Erica. Hugs to You, and I also agree with Tami to be believing for your miracle.
    Much Love
    Cindy C

  6. Well, sweet daughter of mine, I just now read this post. (I too am a little behind) I also am selective of the timing when I read your posts because I always become sooooo emotional and I like to read them alone and let myself experience those emotions without distraction.
    I will tell you what this post said to me.
    I often struggle with the fact that I did not always serve the Lord while raising the three of you. I often feel that I wasn't the best parent I could be. I often see little things that you kids strugglle with and think "that's my fault, they wouldn't be going through that if I had taught them this or that better". So as a momma of grown kids you have "those days" too. But YOU havve really helped me to see that I didn't do it all wrong, that I did pour in some good while I had the chance and that God is faithful even when we are not. I love to watch Meg with Brenna and even through her pregnancy and think about the good things that I see her doing and know that I instilled that in her as a mom. (and you with Brenna too) And of course this blog has touched so many as well as Kinley's short life and how you have handled it all and used it as a ministry, and I even take a little tiny bit of credit for instiilling some the faith in you that I see. So today I am thinking of the positives, I can't hug any of you....50, 400 or 1,000 miles away, but I love you all and I am sooooo proud of you all and grateful for the lives and ministries that you all have. Love you sweet girl! God has big things in store for you!

  7. I know the feeling of wanting nothing more than to just lay down with Kinley. I know the ache that you have for your next baby.

    As a mother who has experienced loss, I do my very best to cherish every second of this life that I have been given in Cayden. Midnight kisses just because, 2 hour naps with him in my arms when I should be doing something else, listening to his cries (bc it is music to my ears,) stopping in wal-mart bc he attracts so many people (15 minute trips turn into 45,) spending money we really don't have on toys/clothes, hundreds of kisses and hugs a day, all day in our pj's playing on the floor,.....All because I can and I don't wanna miss a thing!!!

    Losing Braxton provided Cayden with a mommy and daddy that won't take a single thing for granted!

    Hugs and continued prayers, Destiny

  8. You are an incredible blessing with such a talent for sharing your thoughts and feelings and touching the lives of others. Kinley has certainly left a huge mark on all of us. My prayers continue to be with you. Claiming God's promises for you. Love you. - Aunt Christy