Today one overwhelming thought is dominating my mind...
I want to go home!!!!
I hate this time of year and I'm struggling more everyday as Kinley's birthday gets closer. I can remember what I was doing on each day and keep thinking "a year ago today, I was...." Today the thought is that a year ago today I was beginning to realize somewhere in the back of my mind that something wasn't right, but I was ignoring that nagging thought. For the most part, I was happy, for the most part, I was blissfully unaware of just how hard my life was about to get.
But, back to the going home part.....I want nothing more than to be HOME and this just isn't home. I've been lying to people for a couple months now. The conversation goes something like this...
Them: "Tennessee is such a beautiful area! (EVERYONE says this!) How are you liking it?
Me: Always the same response..."I'm getting used to it, it's not home yet, but I like it!"
There it was, the lie, did you catch it?? I don't like it! I don't like it at all. On the list of things I like, living in Tennessee does not appear. Here are a few things I like...
I like seeing Megan and Brenna everyday. I like them to be 5 minutes away and I like being a part of every aspect of Brenna's life... picking her up from school, eating lunch, going to the mall, babysitting....I LIKE that!
I like seeing my Mom and Dad whenever I want. I know I didn't go to Covington as much as I should have when I lived in Lafayette, but I like that I could jump in the car and go if I wanted. I liked seeing them once a week or so.
I like being able to call Rex and Mary on any given Friday night and meet up for dinner with them.
I like being able to text Destiny on a bad day (much like today) and knowing that she'll be there in a half an hour.
I like my little Christian school where the students and staff not only know my story, but walked through it with me.
I like going to church in my own church and being able to pray with people that I don't have to explain my situation to.
I like having friends to meet for lunch and family to go shopping with.
I like that when I'm having one of those just terrible days (like today), someone always stops in with a little gift, food, a distraction, or a plot to get me out of the house and my mind on something else. I like that all it takes is a facebook status to make that happen.
I like living in Lafayette, but I don't like living in Tennessee. I'm trying to make the best of it. I'm trying to meet people. I'm trying to make it home, but it's just not. What I'd really like today is to just go home!!!!!
(Sorry for my "pity me, life is tough attitude", that's just where I am today! And just for the record, this is not an invitation for everyone who's ever moved to tell me how before long I'll consider it home, and love it, and never want to move back. I've heard that all before, and I appreciate it, but now is just not the time!!!!!)