And we know that in all things God works for the good of those that love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.
Romans 8:28

Saturday, September 18, 2010

I Want To Go Home!

UPDATE: I came home!!!

Today one overwhelming thought is dominating my mind...

I want to go home!!!!

I hate this time of year and I'm struggling more everyday as Kinley's birthday gets closer. I can remember what I was doing on each day and keep thinking "a year ago today, I was...." Today the thought is that a year ago today I was beginning to realize somewhere in the back of my mind that something wasn't right, but I was ignoring that nagging thought. For the most part, I was happy, for the most part, I was blissfully unaware of just how hard my life was about to get.

But, back to the going home part.....I want nothing more than to be HOME and this just isn't home. I've been lying to people for a couple months now. The conversation goes something like this...

Them: "Tennessee is such a beautiful area! (EVERYONE says this!) How are you liking it?
Me: Always the same response..."I'm getting used to it, it's not home yet, but I like it!"

There it was, the lie, did you catch it?? I don't like it! I don't like it at all. On the list of things I like, living in Tennessee does not appear. Here are a few things I like...

I like seeing Megan and Brenna everyday. I like them to be 5 minutes away and I like being a part of every aspect of Brenna's life... picking her up from school, eating lunch, going to the mall, babysitting....I LIKE that!

I like seeing my Mom and Dad whenever I want. I know I didn't go to Covington as much as I should have when I lived in Lafayette, but I like that I could jump in the car and go if I wanted. I liked seeing them once a week or so.

I like being able to call Rex and Mary on any given Friday night and meet up for dinner with them.

I like being able to text Destiny on a bad day (much like today) and knowing that she'll be there in a half an hour.

I like my little Christian school where the students and staff not only know my story, but walked through it with me.

I like going to church in my own church and being able to pray with people that I don't have to explain my situation to.

I like having friends to meet for lunch and family to go shopping with.

I like that when I'm having one of those just terrible days (like today), someone always stops in with a little gift, food, a distraction, or a plot to get me out of the house and my mind on something else. I like that all it takes is a facebook status to make that happen.

I like living in Lafayette, but I don't like living in Tennessee. I'm trying to make the best of it. I'm trying to meet people. I'm trying to make it home, but it's just not. What I'd really like today is to just go home!!!!!

(Sorry for my "pity me, life is tough attitude", that's just where I am today! And just for the record, this is not an invitation for everyone who's ever moved to tell me how before long I'll consider it home, and love it, and never want to move back. I've heard that all before, and I appreciate it, but now is just not the time!!!!!)


  1. Love you sweetie!! :(

  2. I would want to go home too...praying the Lord holds you tight tonight.

  3. Ok, so I just read on facebook that someone is in route to get you!! Cayden and I were thinking/planning a surprise trip on Wednesday...Jesse told me that I had to stay the night if I came, so that is what I was I don't have to, bc you are coming HOME!!! Praying for Jacob, as he will be there alone. Hugs and Love

  4. Glad you're home and wish you could stay. Want to be encouraging . . . . . but that's just where I'm at now too!! Love you so much and wish I could fix it. Love and prayers for you and Jacob too! - Aunt Tee Tee

  5. Even though I may love my job and my home and my life I have created with my husband, my heart still often aches for what will forever be my home. Where my family is and where most of my memories have been made....where you don't have to explain anything, you can just be and everyone knows, understands, and cares. No matter how long you are away you still have and long for the home where you used to be and your family still is. Nikia and I both ache to be a part of every moment of our family continuing to grow in every way. Love you and are praying for you!

  6. My prayer for you and Jacob is that you are in Knoxville for more than for just Jacob's job. My prayer is that this is where God wants both of you for now to help you both in all ways possible. Perhaps you are there because of your new OBGYN...maybe the surgeon...maybe a nurse...maybe it is the person in line at the grocery store that gives you new hope. Maybe just maybe...your prayers will be answered BECAUSE of Knoxville. least that is my prayer for both of you.
    Love, Aunt Chrissy