I know it's been a couple of weeks since I posted, and I'm sorry to be keeping you all in the dark. I feel like I left things on a negative note. I've been taking a bit of a break from writing to internalize what all is going on and to consider all of the options that Jacob and I have.
I wanted to take just a couple of minutes to answer a couple of questions that I've heard since the last post and to give you an idea of where I am and where I plan on going from here.
Many people asked if we had considered using a surrogate. In our situation, a surrogate is not really the best option for us. My specific problem is not with carrying a child, it's with making enough eggs to become pregnant. We would be much more likely to be successful with an egg donor (using someone else's eggs and having me carry the baby) than we would with a surrogate (using our fertilized embryo and having someone else carry it). There are options available to us in the fertility realm, but we're not really ready to commit to any one of them at this time.
Second, many people have used terms like "you're still young" and "you have time". Without sounding harsh, let me just say that it is in no way comforting to hear that when you're going through fertility treatments. I know that it seems like you're giving hope, but when you don't know a person's specific situation, I would be careful about using those terms. So, in answer to the question "what's the rush?".... I was given a diagnosis of "low ovarian reserve", basically although my body is 28, my egg supply is low. Unfortunately for us, I probably don't have the years and years to try that I should have. Our chances of conceiving are declining at a rate that is quicker than that of most couples our age. Having said that, I also know that God is WAY bigger than that diagnosis. However, I think you all understand why there's a sense of urgency.
As far as our next step with fertility treatment goes, I will be getting a second opinion. I've scheduled an appointment with another fertility specialist here in Knoxville and will keep you all updated on how that appointment goes.
We are also open to pursuing adoption. I have been given a great deal of information from a friend we met at church here in Knoxville. She's a GREAT resource for us to have and we feel like it's really a "God-thing" that I was put in contact with her. We have other friends who have used other agencies and are aware of the MANY options available. We'll be praying about it and proceeding as God directs us.
Finally, I know that I sounded hopeless in the last post. I appreciate all of your concern and prayer. I'm not hopeless, I do believe that God has a family for us. However, there is a grieving process that goes along with realizing that your journey to parenthood may not look how like you imagined it would. That doesn't necessarily mean that I don't believe we'll have our own biological children, just that the journey doesn't look how I imagined. I'm in the midst of that grieving process still. I was very angry, hurt, and even bitter, at first. I needed to feel those emotions and work through them in order to move on to what God has for us next. I'm still hurting and I still have moments of anger, but I do know that I WILL be a mommy again.
Thanks again for your comments, prayer, support, and love!!!!! We have both felt very loved and supported through this entire process!!