I won't be posting for a few days because I'm leaving early in the morning (like 3:30!) for Florida for a long weekend! I'm so excited for a little break from life to spend some time with some of the ladies in my family and see my brother!
BUT.... I HAD to get this post in before I take off, so I'm taking a break from packing to tell you another amazing way that God has blessed us in the past few weeks.
As some of you understand, a pregnancy following the loss of a child brings about a plethora of emotion. It's frightening to be pregnant again. It also brings back all of those feelings of hurt and it makes you miss your baby even more. Because I have friends who have been through it, I was prepared for this. I even prayed about it long before I got pregnant. I knew that to some extent it would be hard for me to be pregnant again, even though it's been my greatest desire for the past couple years.
Unbeknownst to me, Jacob was struggling with some of these same feelings. More specifically, he was having a hard time being excited about the new baby because in some way he was feeling almost guilty. It was hard for him to be excited because it was hard to move on from losing Kinley. It was almost as if he was afraid it would hurt her for him to be happy about a new baby.
We hadn't discussed this at all. As a matter of fact, I thought his hesitation to be excited was more about fear of losing this baby. I had no idea he was struggling with being happy and no idea that it had anything to do with Kinley. Let me reiterate, he hadn't shared his feelings with anyone!
On the Sunday morning after we announced our pregnancy, a man from our church, (someone we would consider to be in the a friend, but not necessarily a close friend who we spend a great deal of time with or would confide in) approached Jacob in the lobby. He told him the following (paraphrased in my words because I wasn't there)...
I had a dream about you last night that I feel like I'm suppose to tell you. I saw Kinley sitting on God's knee and all she said was "It's okay daddy. I'm fine. It's okay to be happy."
Wow!!! Jacob hadn't shared his concerns with anyone, but God had seen his struggle. He could have given Jacob the dream, but that might have been too easy for him to try to explain away. God knew exactly what Jacob needed to hear and exactly how Jacob needed to hear it.
Tell me we don't serve a BIG God!!! Not only did He answer our prayers for a miracle, He also cares enough for Jacob to ease his mind and allow him to fully enjoy this pregnancy!! What a precious reminder that our little girl is happy in heaven and wants us to be happy here on earth. I think Kinley is just as excited about this blessing as the rest of us!!