I'm currently 9 weeks and a few days pregnant. Those few days are important because I'm counting down the weeks and days until I'm out of the first trimester! As a woman who wanted to be pregnant for so long and knows the pain of losing a child, it feels as though I should just have a smile permanently pasted on my face for the next 7 months. I shouldn't complain or grumble, I should just be happy to be pregnant. And I AM beyond happy, but on the other hand, I'm also very sick. I'm keeping very little in my system right now and I just feel yucky. Of course, I wouldn't trade it for the world, but it sure is tough on my body!!
I'm caught in a very strange cycle of feeling bad, complaining, feeling guilty for complaining, apologizing to whoever is near for complaining when I should just be happy to be pregnant, and then starting all over again. I know it's silly, but my brain seems to go there anyway!
One reason that I believe I'm more sick than my last pregnancy is something that I've not shared until this point. In our first ultrasound, we actually saw two gestational sacs. We were expecting twins. It was evident right away, however, that the second sac was smaller than the first. Eventually we saw a fetal pole, yolk sac, and then heartbeat in the first baby. The second sac, however, never really developed. We were told that it would likely just disappear or might miscarry, but that hasn't happened yet. At our last ultrasound, the sac was still there and attached to my uterus. I'm not sure if that has anything to do with my sickness, but I'm guessing that since the sac is still there and even seemed to be bigger this time, that it's still putting off hormones!!
On a happier note, the baby looks great! He/She is growing and developing on track. We heard a nice healthy heart beat at our last appointment. And I'm am nearly bursting with the anticipation of finding out if we're having a boy or a girl!! I don't understand how people could possibly be patient enough to wait the whole 9 months without finding out! That was never even a discussion in our home!! I'm ready to know so that the shopping can begin!